Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Supermarket Sweep.

I'm doing good. Need to push myself so much harder though. This feels too easy. And I'm still breaking rules. But restricting is working hella good for me right now. I've decided to ignore logic and just let myself enjoy this. Before I crash back down again. I'm not weighing myself for a few days. I think the constant scrutiny of numbers on the scale is a massive factor in my emotional preoccupations so it's going to take a back seat.

I want to enjoy this. It's temporary so please let me have it. I want to bury my head in the sand until I have this hospital appointment and I actually have to confront this whole mess I've created. I feel like a fucking walking paradox. But I don't want to care.

I think that I must look like such a freak in shops. I get a welcome release from sidling up and down the aisles, checking the info on packaging. Better than eating it. I'm constantly amazed at how much shit is in things that people shove into their mouths without even thinking, like all those treats and snacks that people don't even count as having eaten. It's like a game. But I get so flustered. I must look so strange going up and down the aisles, picking stuff up and putting it back down again, leaving shops without actually having bought anything. I never buy any of that shit. Maybe that empowers me somewhat? Which is why I hate having so much junk in the house. It's always there taunting me and I don't even want it. Head fuck.

Doing good. Will do better.

And to end on a good note... The dentist assures me, even though I kept asking because of mass teeth paranoia, that my teeth will be absolutely fine. I honestly didn't beleve her for ages but I guess she's the professional. So now I can get back to ignoring all those stupid 'signs.'

1 comment:

  1. Haha, I used to do that in shops, too xD Would spend hours in the biscuit aisle then walk out nearly in tears >.< Still, doing all that was good practice for getting fewer calories in my eating plan. It says "biscuit" but little does mummy know that a rich tea has about 50cals less than a disgestive xD

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