Sunday, November 15, 2009

I want to self destruct.

I really do.

I wish I wasn't so self aware so I could just take that route. Just not give a fuck.

I tried and failed.

I went out last night. First time in a long time that I could stomach it. My preoccupations with eating and not eating completely let my social life slide. But fuck I wanted to drink. And forget. And be drunk.

Moral of the story?

Drinking shots of jager and tequila does not make for successful willpower which in turn makes for failed fasting.

I'm sick of failing. I want to be able to post some actual weight loss here.

Is it possible my tendancies are turning increasingly towards bulimia? This is fucked. They, whoever they are, maintain that over time bulimics put on weight.

Ha, I'm a fucking joke.

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