Saturday, November 21, 2009

Ha. I'm not ill.

One week of not eating and restricting.
Starvation sets in.
Body takes over mind.
Get this - Right now I just ate the 'RDA' worth of food. That's an believable amount of food, of really bad food. In an hour. Anything I could find. Anything bad. All the junk food. Whatever is in the house. More than I have eaten in the past seven days. I saw myself do it, I didn't care.
Can't possibly fit another thing into my overly swollen stomach. And I feel delerious. Bye bye 93. You'll be a long, long way away now. I'll stay alive until my hospital appointment this way. Baggy clothes for the next week. I feel FULL. I won't purge. Whatever. Fuck that. I'll just hide away for the week.
See, fucking call me anorexic now, go on.



I didn't think so.

3 comments:

  1. Hun, it might not be anorexia, but it's still disordered eating and you know it. =/
    I remember being truthful to everyone and despite the hospital diagnosing me with anorexia I was in huge denial for a good month before I admitted to being ill, even then I only admitted it so I could say I didn't want to get better.
    I'm not saying get help 'cause only you can choose that and it's truely infuriating when people force you to, but I can tell you in confidence that any weight you put on will only be fluid retention, so don't stress yourself out sbout it too much, 'kay? :3 xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's the thing, I am getting help, I've been told by a doctor that I am anorexic and I'm waiting for the eleventh for an assessment appointment for EDs in hospital, so I'm playing this head fuck of a waiting game. It's the morning after now and thinking more clearly so I guess what I did yesterday was just out of confusion about what I actually want and maybe denaial about needing help. I don't know. I hate doing the whole psychobabble bullshit on myself, I'm probably waaaay off the mark!
    Thanks so much for the comment... x

    ReplyDelete
  3. No problem, sweet, if you wanna talk more add me; ZeQueenLisa@Hotmail.co.uk xx

    ReplyDelete